I’ve got questions.
Some questions are less serious in nature like:
“Why do I love beards so much?”
“Do you think Starbucks will ever deliver?”
“Is there a chocolate only diet?”
Don’t get me wrong, those are important questions. Beards, coffee and chocolate are ranked pretty high on my list. In the scheme of things though, if they went unanswered my life would continue on much like it does. No matter the reason, I’ll always love beards. Even if Starbucks doesn’t take my suggestion and start delivering, I’ll still stop in and buy my White Mocha in person. And chocolate, well, chocolate seems to be around for the long haul.
Some questions are a bit more serious. Like my questions about God, spirituality, faith, church, death and (ya even) singleness. I can’t just sweep these questions under the rug and ignore them. They need to be expressed, discussed and studied…in a safe environment.
Not everyone understands the questions you’re milling over.
There will be people, upon hearing your questions, who will immediately get defensive. They’ll rattle off answers left and right making you feel like an idiot for even verbalizing such a foolish question. Have you ever met someone like that? If you have, and I’m sure you have, did you ever want to ask questions around them ever again? Probably not.
Sitting around a table last night with some friends, we began discussing things we’ve been wrestling with in regards to our faith. Each person shared what was on their heart and no one judged them for it. And I realized, love listens.
Listening to a podcast this week, the theologian was discussing how we can go through phases in our life where it seems like we have more questions than we’ve got answers. Either we’ve read a book, taken a class, gone on a trip or experienced some kind of life event but something has caused us to re-evaluate our beliefs. Whatever the case, most of us will go through it to one extent or the other.
“It’s normal,” he said.
As I’ve been wrestling and questioning and searching I’ve often felt very alone. I often kept my questions to myself and wondered what was wrong with me. Questions were bad, right? It was a sign of backsliding or a mark of the beast or something. I’m not sure anyone outright told me my questions were bad, but it was usually implied by the contortions of their face or the way their head tilted to the one side with raised eyebrows that indicated that maybe I’d better just keep those things to myself.
Sometimes I was the voice saying, “Just be quiet. Keep that to yourself.”
Hearing that my searching and questions were normal brought me immediate peace. My shoulders immediately relaxed and it was as if the ground stabilized again.
Driving home after meeting with my friends I began to thank God for the opportunity to share transparently with people and to not feel ashamed or any less of a Christian. As I prayed, I recalled Jeremiah 29:13,
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
There is a bigger purpose to my questioning and seeking. It’s not to be rebellious or to try and find a loophole in order to do things my way. All of it is to know God more– to truly know His heart. I can no longer live off truths I’ve been told second hand, but need to explore. We need to seek. Children are told stories of adventure, but adults live them. (Or in a biblical analogy, babies drink milk, but adults eat meat.)
God is not troubled by my questions. He is not insecure or defensive or even worried. Not in the least. In fact God is pleased I want to know more because it shows I’m interested in participating and not satisfied in spectating. In my looking, I may have unanswered questions, but I know I will find Him because that is where the compass of my heart is set.
“In the silence You won’t let go
In the questions Your truth will hold
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea”My Lighthouse (Rend Collective)
Do you have unanswered questions? If so, lease leave me a comment and let me know how your search is going. I’d love to encourage you or pray for you on your journey!
The Common Queen 
I have been having more questions about God recently, and I have felt bad asking because I feel that as an adult I should have these things figured out. There are a couple big questions that stick out. The first one is “Did God make me the way he did on purpose, knowing I would come out of situations the way that I have?” Like the verse in Jeremiah that says “Before you were born, I set you apart”. I have always felt different and not fit in well. I dont fit in boxes that people like to make for me, if that makes sense, and Im trying to absorb the truth that God did make me different on purpose. The other question that sticks out to me right now is, “Is it possible for me to accidentally miss what God has for me”. I have a lot of big decisions coming up and I sometimes worry that God already told me answers and I wasn’t paying attention and I missed it. I have been praying about these questions for a while, and I know my faith is growing. It is hard, but awesome too. It is good to be free to verbalize these questions. Thank you for posting!
I have often thought that, too. Shouldn’t I already know all of this?!?! Those are some great questions, Cassie. And I’m glad to hear that you are wrestling with them. I think the moment we stop caring (or asking in this case) it shows we’ve lost interest. We need (want) to keep growing and questions help that. Thanks for being willing to share your questions with me! And don’t forget, God did a good job on you. He didn’t make any mistakes, but made you perfectly! 🙂
I think we all have questions, and unfortunately some believe we should never quistions. But if we do ” lord child don’t say it out loud” or maybe that was just a lady in my church. I personally am struggleing with a question of peace. Things are looking better for the future ( at least in the job department, but no nice bearded man on the horizon either), yet I still don’t feel at peace with where I am. Like somthing is still not right. I have been in constant prayer about it, and God seems to be unusually silent right now. This makes me question if I am on the right track. I do so hate silence from God. As allways, wonderful article. I thought I would post on your blog this time instead of Facebook for a change of pace.
Sorry for taking so long to reply, Hannah! I appreciate (as always) your thoughts. All I can say to your struggle, is keep leaning. It could be he’s preparing you for a change, or that He just wants you to keep pressing in to Him. Actually, I can never really say why God does something– except that it’s out of His love for you. That seems odd, especially when He’s silent, but I have to believe that about His character.
You love beards so much because a full beard is one of the signals of a mature, virile man. Starbucks doesn’t need to deliver, there’s one on every street corner some cities. And there is, but it’s a low-fat reduced-calorie soy-based chocolate.
Questions like this are one of the big things Protestants lost when they broke from the Catholic Church. The violent break from anything smacking of “empty ritual” left many truth-seekers in the Protestant realm without their roots, and without 1500 years of Christian and 3000 years of Jewish tradition, meditations, philosophy and writings to fall back on. It is with great delight that I see young protestants picking up the Desert Fathers, Aquinas, Basil and the great minds of philosophy and theology. There are also more modern examples, like “Story of a Soul”, which writes on sanctifying our every day “little” actions like cooking or doing the dishes or even our daily commute to Christ.
My city doesn’t even have one Starbucks. One more reason I should consider moving.