To Those Who Want To Be A Mom

To Those Who Want To Be A Mom

To those who want to be a mom:

Me too.

As a little girl, I would day dream about what it would be like to have a family of my own. Each night in bed, I’d pray and ask God for that family with a desperate urging. Many times I’d fall asleep as tears trickled down my cheek. The whispered pleas silenced momentarily.

Much of my childhood was a war zone. Survival was the goal. There was no coddling or even gentleness, but a harshness in the atmosphere. I remembering being told I was loved, but it was hard to reconcile the contradictory actions with the words. In my heart, I knew love looked different than what I was being shown. A love that didn’t include fear or manipulation.

Even in my own lack, I knew that one day I wanted to be the mom that I had desired. I’d be the mom who chose kind words instead of ones laced with poison. I’d be the mom who put the needs of others before my own. I’d protect my children from harm instead of exposing them to it.

I needed a mom. Not in name, but in deed.

Then, at the moment I thought I couldn’t handle one more wound, I experienced a beautiful miracle. I was rescued. God gave me a new home and a new family. It was as if my life had turned from night to day. The dark cloak of fear had been lifted and I felt relief.

It was in that shelter, that I experienced motherly love like I hadn’t experienced before. There was someone looking out for me–from my physical well-being to my spiritual growth. I knew there’d always be someone waiting for me when I got home because she couldn’t sleep until she knew her daughter was home safe.

Being exposed to this depth of love only increased my longing to be a mother someday.

Since then I’ve made it a point to serve the needs of children including running after-school programs, counseling at camps, teaching Sunday school and being the best (and most sassy) aunt in the world. I snuggle babies (and change poopy diapers). I’ll listen intently as Mine Craft is explained to me for the hundredth time. I’m the queen of dress up. I’m a sidewalk chalk artist. And I can swing higher than you (although now it makes me dizzy).

All of that stuff is super fun and extremely fulfilling. I’ll continue doing all of those things as long as I’m alive, but being and doing all of those things does not take away my hearts desire for a child of my own. To be woken up in the middle of the night. To hear the words, “Hi, Mom!” To apply band-aids and kisses to boo-boos. Or to receive handmade cards for Mother’s Day.

I tell you all this so you know that I can relate to your grief. Whether you are childless because of singleness, because of loss or because of infertility my heart is truly full of love for you. I know that doesn’t change things and the desires are still gnawing at your heart. There will still be tears and moments where you look at other people’s children and think, “Why can’t I be a mom?” I know how hard it can be to see another friend posting baby bump pictures and wonder if that will ever be you. I know how frustrating it can be when others complain about sleepless nights when you’d trade a full nights sleep for a baby any day.

I see your pain.

You have not been forgotten or overlooked. For you, the one who longs to be a mom, I grieve with you. I cry with you. I pray with you. And for those with the sought after title of “Mom”, I celebrate with you. You’ve been given a most wonderful treasure.

Advertisements

Singleness Perks (An Incomplete List)

pbcheesecake

After last week’s post on singleness, you might be thinking that being 30 and single is all bad. Let me assure you, there are some pretty amazing perks to singleness. Sure, I’d really love to have a husband and kiddos to call my own, but for now I’ll enjoy the silver lining that comes with my relationship status.

#10: I only have to wash one person’s laundry.

That’s bad enough! Tuesday is laundry day at my house, which means that I haul my dirty laundry to a nearby laundromat where common drug dealers and wifi leeches gather. Most visits earn me a new best friend. One night it was a guy trying to convince me that someone stole all his clothes from a washer, but somehow it didn’t show up on the security video. Must have been quite the magic trick.

Once my laundry is washed, dried and folded I load it back into my car and take it home. It then promptly sits on my couch until Sunday (at the earliest). Seems like a waste to put it away when I’m just going to be wearing the same underwear, pants and sweatshirt tomorrow. Right?

Speaking of underwear, I only have to wash MY underwear.

#9: I don’t have to share my cheesecake.

There’s a local bakery/cafe that I like to visit every so often. They have the most amazing cupcakes and cheesecake around. On especially nice days, I like to get a slice of their Turtle Cheesecake and sit out on the patio and watch the world pass by. I get to do that without sharing!

I know how motherhood works, generally. I know that food (if not hidden) immediately becomes common property in a house. That means everything yummy gets claimed by grubby little fingers that will take one bite and leave it somewhere to be found by the dog who is grateful for the discovered treasure. Later to be thrown up (by said lucky dog) and cleaned up by Mom who only wished she had gotten to eat that brownie herself.

#8: Throw up, snot & other bodily fluids all belong to me.

This seems pretty self explanatory, but let me paint a picture for you. I was over at a friends house while her kiddo was sick. We just finished dinner and little buddy started one of his coughing fits. He grabbed the nearest garbage pail (really, quite thoughtful of him, I’d say) and handed it to his mom. At which point he threw up, what looked like a FOUNTAIN of vomit into the pail. He felt better, while the rest of us wondered if we too would lose our dinner. That night I had a dream I was swimming in a fountain of vomit. At least for now, the only vomit I’ll be having to clean up is my own. I’m ok with that.

#7: I get to choose where I spend holidays.

There’s no fighting with a significant other about where we’ll have to spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day or any other holiday. Whether it will be with his parents, or mine, or if we’re going to try and start our own traditions with our kids. I’d like to think that for now, this makes me the favorite child since I can still spend every holiday at my parents house. Although, since I’m not bringing them any grandchildren it’s kind of a toss-up.

#6: I don’t need to clear my schedule with anyone else.

Basically, I do what I want. I come and go as I please. I can take an unplanned trip to see a friend or schedule an impromptu dinner date. I could go to a Midnight showing of a movie if I wanted. But I’d never want to do that because I like to go to bed early.

Although, I would like to clear up a common misconception. I do not have “more time” than someone who is married/ has kids. We all have 24 hours, and my days get filled up with work, meetings, volunteer opportunities, and LIFE just as much as anyone else’s. Please, keep that in mind. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “You’re single. You’ve got the time to do it.” Oh ya, I forgot. All I do is sit home at night and weave baskets and write sad poetry.

#5: I get the bed all to myself.

I’m sure cuddling has its perks, but there’s nothing quite like being able to sprawl across the width of my bed if I want to. And I do want to, sometimes. It also means I can have 4 pillows on the bed and there’s no one to complain about it. I don’t have to make the bed in the morning because I’ll just be getting back into it later that night. I also don’t have to worry about stopping my “snooze alarm” habit any time soon. I can keep hitting it for an hour and the only person that’s going to get angry is me because it means I actually have to get out of bed now.

#4: The luxury of sleeping in on a Saturday morning.

Like I said, my schedule is of my own making. That means if I want to have a Saturday where I can lay in bed until 11, I can. I don’t have any little feet poking into my kidneys taking up the entire bed.  I don’t have to worry about taking a kiddo to an early morning T-ball game. I can keep my PJ’s on until 3 in the afternoon, and eat pickles for breakfast.

#3: I can eat pickles for breakfast.

I probably wouldn’t eat pickles for breakfast, but I have had cold pizza, chocolate chip cookies or the occasional Terra chip. Don’t judge me. I’m also a fan of breakfast for dinner, but that seems to be a trend that many (smart) families are picking up. Well done, friends.

#2: Shaving my legs is optional.

I get that this may be TMI for some of you, but it’s a perk that can not go unmentioned because its a big deal. Any woman will tell you shaving is a serious pain in the butt. The fact that I can go weeks without shaving my legs without another human being knowing is pretty spectacular. Summer kinda dampens this perk a tad because I try to conform to social norms as much as the next girl. Exposed hairy legs tend to be a turn off for single males.

#1: I don’t have any shame when it comes to celebrity crushes.

I’m never going to meet him. Or marry him. Be it Tom Hardy, Tim Tebow or Matthew McConaughey in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. Seriously though, look at that face:

Someday, and someday SOON I hope, I’ll be trading these perks in for the perks of married life, but for now I’m grateful I can see the positives of this season. It may not be where I thought I’d be at this point in life, but sometimes its not that bad.

What about you? What perks have you found in your singleness? Or maybe, what do you miss most about being single? Comment below.