Life Lessons

Dear Sojourner,

When I was growing up, my dad would often take us hiking in the hills of Pennsylvania. We’d cross rippling creeks and hop over dead logs while caught up in whatever tales dad spun regarding the noises we heard or what we might find out there in the woods.

I’ve always had an extremely ACTIVE imagination. In fact, during one of those childhood hikes I was convinced there was a huge black bear bounding towards us when it fact it was just a huge black dog that had wandered from a neighbors property. Yet, little Holly was quite undone and shocked that dad did not seem quite as concerned as I was. Until the dog got closer and more into focus and I realized he wasn’t going to eat me.

Like most single people on dating apps, I’d list hiking as one of my hobbies. That’s a bit of a generalization, but it seems like every third profile I come across has it listed. I’m not a “I-hiked-the-Appalachian-trail-barefoot” kind of hiker, but I enjoy being in the woods without the noise of everyday life….as long as I’m with someone. I’m a bit of a scaredy cat otherwise. Today, I decided I would be courageous and walk a local trail alone that I had hiked twice this week each time with friends. Usually, the trailhead has a few cars in the parking lot, but today there wasn’t a single one.

Of course.

“You can do this,” I told myself as I started the trail. “It’ll be fine. This is no big deal.” It felt as though my heart might beat right out of my chest as every downed log looked exactly like a black bear poised to strike. Every noise was an animal coming up behind me. I’m too stubborn to turn back but with each step and each rattle of my keys (my best friend suggested I make as much noise as possible) I realized I couldn’t do this alone. I was going to have to call a friend.

The first friend sent me to voicemail. (Don’t worry she called me back later. haha) I knew my next and best option was my sister who THANK GOD picked up the phone and would be my companion on that hike for the entire 45 minutes. She is an actual saint and when I’d freak out over a sound she’d go, “What is it?!?!” One time it was a hawk that fell out of a tree. Another time it was a family of 4 deer crossing my path. In case you were wondering, neither the hawk or deer tried to eat me. I was safe.

When on other occasions this trek left me more at ease with each passing step– today was different. Was it still beautiful? Yes. Was it any more demanding then it had been on other days? No. Same trail, but a completely different experience.

I recently finished an online class on Race & American Christianity through the college I once attended. When my professor would email us he’d begin with the greeting, “Dear Sojourners,” and it was quite fitting as many of us were trying to find our way through the intersection of faith and social justice.

In my final paper, I referenced that identity and how it seemed to accurately define where I was at in life. Much like the Israelites wandering in the desert, I felt like I had been freed from a place of bondage and yet I hadn’t quite made it to the Promised Land. There was talk of “milk & honey”, but all I can see is sand and all I know is wandering. I’m convinced there’s something GOOD ahead, but what do I do in THIS place?

I guess….I keep walking just like I did today. Too stubborn to quit. Crossed that sea and there’s no turning back now. It’s scary and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to do it. Days where the anxiety caused by all the unknowns just about kill me.

Unlike at the Houghton Land Preserve trail, there is no map. There are no blue spray painted markers alerting me to turn right here or a carved wooden sign alerting me “End of Trail”. There are many unexpected twists and turns and moments of “This looks familiar! Haven’t we been here before?!” or “Where the heck are we?!”

There are no “3 Easy Steps” into the Promised Land and it may take longer than you thought to actually get there, but you will get there. You may need to call a friend and have them walk with you through a scary part. You may need to tell yourself “You CAN do this.” Or rattle something noisy and let every scary thing know you are in the area. You’ll most certainly need to let out a few desperate prayers asking God to help you do it, too.

Dear Sojourner, keep going. I know you’re weary and tired and you’ve walked long enough. I know things don’t look like you thought. I know you had hopes and dreams and things couldn’t seem any further from them. I know you don’t have a clue what to do next or how long this hike will take you. There’s more “I don’t knows” than answers. I get it. Just please, keep going.

With love and affection, A fellow sojourner

Life Lessons & Wallpaper Removal

life lessons & wallpaper removal

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time you’ll notice a theme. I write about stuff I’m going through and/or learning. If you’d go back through my old posts you’d see those things range from time I spent on the river kayaking or passing a torn down McDonald’s. If our ears and eyes are open, there’s so much to learn in the simple, ordinary moments of life.

Like while tearing down wallpaper.

In October 2011, I moved into my apartment and immediately hated the wallpaper in my entryway. I’m not sure when this house was built, but I’m certain the wallpaper (at least the first layer) is circa the 70’s at my best estimate.

Please don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my little apartment. It’s got character much like it’s tenant. There’s tons of kitchen storage though some of it can’t be reached by a 5′ fun-sized person such as myself. It’s got brand new windows that let in the morning sun and overlooks a back yard with green grass and a bunny or two. The hardwood floors in my bedroom make me smile every single day.

My landlords/neighbors have become friends over the past 8.5+ years of me living here. Their daughters leave me the occasional hand-picked flower on my step to brighten up my day. Of all the sweet perks of this apartment (and there are many) they are by far the best part.

But it was time for the wallpaper to go….past due in fact!

One might ask, “Holly, what has taken you so long to take down the wallpaper?”

Here’s where my lessons begin.

Lesson #1: You can’t get what you don’t ask for. 

I lived with something I didn’t like for almost 9 years because I didn’t ask for anything different. I was willing to live with it.

What things have you been willing to live with?

I’m not talking about dated wallpaper here. I’m talking about toxic relationships, mental health hang-ups or jobs that leave you feeling unfulfilled.

Don’t you think it’s about time you ask for better for yourself? And not just ask for better, but DO better, which leads me to my next point.

Lesson #2: You’ve got to put in the work.

You can have a realization for a looooooooong time that things need to change, but if you don’t do anything to make some changes things are just going to stay in the same.

We don’t lose weight, get a new job or set up personal boundaries just by thinking about it. We’ve got to do something about it. We’ve got to set aside time to exercise or plan healthy meals. We’ve got to search job postings and send out our resume. You get the point I’m trying to make here.

For me that meant tearing down two layers of unruly wallpaper. If I want a renovated and beautiful entryway/office I’m going to need to put in the elbow grease.

Lesson #3: You’ve got to have the right tools.

Something you might not know about me is I’m slightly obsessive. Personally, I’d prefer if we called it driven or highly-motivated, but obsessive might fit better. If I get something in my head that I want or want to do I dive right in. So, when my landlord gave me the go-ahead to tear down the wallpaper I started immediately.

I have a small drawer of floral handled tools (Thanks, Mom!), that doesn’t seem to include a scraper. This tool is extremely helpful when trying to remove old wallpaper. Yet, in my haste and excitement to begin the task at hand I just started. I don’t need a scraper. This is fine. (It was not fine.) It made the job more tedious than it needed to be.

Thankfully, my landlord had the tools I needed and graciously shared them with me.

Sometimes I don’t have the tools. That’s ok. Others might and many are more than willing to share their knowledge/tools/gifts/skills to help you accomplish the task at hand.

Also, I’d prefer NOT to bring it up but this lesson also might also show the importance of allowing people to help you. Please don’t tell my best friend I said this. She’s always telling me it’s important I recognize I need community and other people to grow and heal and all that stuff and I simply don’t like admitting that because I like doing things myself. (cough, cough. I mentioned I tried to remove wallpaper without a scraper, right?)

Lesson #4: It’s all a process. 

I’m a bit naive when I take on projects. I’ve got the end goal in mind and the euphoria of having a beautiful updated space is at the forefront of my mind. NOT the steps I will need to take to get there.

But it is a process. After I tore down the wallpaper I needed to do some repair. The repair required it’s own steps. After taping and mudding and sanding it’ll be more sanding of trim in order to prepare for painting. Even after I get it painted and I stand to admire all of my hard work I will still have to put furniture back and get it set up the way I’d like it.

Process.

Accomplishing goals requires acknowledging there is a process and recognizing not all of the process will have linear progress. AKA ya’ll we are going to have set backs. And that is OK.

As I sit here mid-process on my project it could be easy to get discouraged. Why did I get myself involved in this anyway???

I’ll tell you why! The end result. Sometime soon (soon….that nice vague timeline) I will be typing this from my beautiful office nook with freshly painted walls, vintage white lace curtains and a small plant I will certain kill in a few weeks after getting it. I’ll be sitting at a desk the full length of my wall that my brother helped me put together from some scrap wood he had and some hairpin metal legs I bought on Etsy. It will be perfect.

While social media will surely see the finished product they won’t see everything it took to get me there. Maybe that’s lesson #5. People won’t know all it took for you to reach your goal. They just won’t.

My hope for all of us is that wherever and however the lesson comes (or wherever we are at in the process) that we would learn a few things about ourselves, about our priorities and about life.