Every time I sat down to write this I was unable to because I felt like a fraud. You see, I don’t have this radical acceptance stuff figured out. I am very much on the journey towards it, but I’m not there yet.
Actually, that could go for everything I write. There is not a topic I’ve fully grasped, championed or perfected. I’d like to think that’s part of why you come here because you can relate to not having it all figured out. When I share my own imperfection I hope you find it an encouragement and not something that makes what I have to say fraudulent.
Back to the topic at hand then: RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.
A friend mentioned this phrase to me recently and it stuck with me. So much in fact that I scribbled the words into my notebook to study out when I had more time. I wanted to figure out what radical acceptance means to me? FOR ME?
Like the nerd that I am one of the first things I like to do is look up definitions. In my experience, there’s a wealth of insight when we look at what a word means. So that’s what I did here.
I won’t bore you by writing out the lengthy definitions, but just some things that stood out to me that I think will further our discussion. (This is a discussion, right? Or are blogs just me talking to myself? haha….moving on.)
radical (adj): far reaching or thorough
Radical is fundamentally extreme. It is not wishy washy, but an “all in” mentality.
I’ve heard Christian leaders call us to be “radical for Jesus” yet when we radically love the people He instructed us to they don’t like it. Funny how that Truth can be so easily warped by a person’s agenda. Thing about that is when you warp a Truth to fit an agenda it’s not longer true.
I may be going off on a side tangent here (not sorry about that), but being radical for Jesus doesn’t mean sitting in the front row on Sunday mornings or rushing to get back IN a church building after this Coronavirus stuff is over. Being radical for Jesus doesn’t mean putting a Jesus sticker on your bumper or not saying words like shit.
Being radical for Jesus means advocating for those who have been abused, neglected and mistreated. Being radical for Jesus means getting OUTSIDE the church walls and pursuing the hurting and broken and not just expecting them to walk into a church building.
Seems to me like some of the stuff that Christians have labeled as “radical for Jesus” is just whitewashed religiosity.
My tone might sound angry in those last few paragraphs because….I am. American Christianity (and I do stress a difference here) seems to pick and choose what aspects of Jesus fits nicely into our life and schedule. There’s nothing radical about that.
On to our next word.
acceptance (noun): consenting to receive something offered
Under one of the definitions for acceptance was this line: a willingness to tolerate a difficult or unpleasant situation.
I’m going to let that sit a minute. That leveled me. I feel difficult and unpleasant the majority of the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered and worried if I was being a pain in the ass. Just ask my best friend, siblings or guys I’ve dated and they could all attest I’ve asked them if I was being a pain numerous times.
For me this phrase “radical acceptance” should read “radical self acceptance”. And when I go back to my original questions (What does radical acceptance mean to me? For me?) this is how I would answer them with all that stuff in mind.
Radical acceptance means willingly tolerating (and even celebrating) every aspect of who I am. Even the more difficult or “ugly” parts of who I am.
Radical acceptance means to thoroughly and wholeheartedly receive a person and all they bring to the table.
It means allowing myself the grace to share my thoughts, struggles and opinions without having to preface it with an apology. NOT that it gives me free reign to be a jerk, but that it simply allows me to be open and authentic without feeling like I have to soften that for someone’s palate.
I’ve been told I’m too emotional, too loud, too opinionated, too whatever and I’m coming to some conclusions that I might be too much for some and that’s ok. I may not be spiritual enough for some or lady-like for others. I may be too liberal for some and too conservative for others.
In caring so deeply about what other’s liked and didn’t like about me I ended up hating myself and I’m slowly trying to pick up the pieces and accept me for all that I am. I am imperfect and flawed and get it wrong so very often, but I’m also generous and thoughtful and funny.
And on my journey to radical acceptance I will celebrate all of who I am…even the unpleasant or difficult stuff.
I hope you will find the strength and courage to love all of you, too. That’s the kind of radical love Jesus has for you. An all encompassing, unapologetic fierce kind of love.
4 thoughts on “Radical Acceptance”
Love this! It’s so very true. We show so much grace to others and don’t extend the same to ourselves.
I have a memory pop up on facebook today that I had posted years ago that was “You can’t be right for someone else unless you’re right for you first. Be you for you.”
Be you for you. I love that line. That’s exactly it.
Thanks Holly! I love this. Left me thinking about my own self talk and if I am willing to accept some of the negative self talk I have been allowing my self to believe. In other words if I can not radically accept it then i must change the dialog to something more loving, more true and to something I can radically accept. ❤️✌🏻
Changing the dialogue is difficult but necessary and worth it. I am my biggest critic, by far, and it has only hurt me and held me back. Speaking lovingly and gracefully to ourselves will do a world of good.