I can see that look in your eye. Before you start whipping out some well-intentioned encouragement make sure it didn’t make it to this list first. Also, as I have stated previously there are TONS of singleness perks, but this week I’ve been reminded of some of the not-so-sweet moments of singleness.
Moment #1: When I’m sick and there’s no one to pity me and take care of me
All I want is for someone else to get up and get me another box of tissues or to fill up my water glass so I can lay here and bemoan how much I hate being sick. Thank God, I have a best friend who drops off medicine and sends me a “You still alive?” text, but its not the same. I want someone to snuggle up to me and my mound of used tissues while we watch the entire Season 1 of Sherlock Holmes.
Maybe if I had someone to take care of me I’d be getting better, quicker. I don’t know. Just a thought. 😉
Moment #2: Going to events solo
In a moment of sheer stupidity, I RSVP’d “yes” to a wedding knowing full well I’d be rolling in solo. I think I was just excited to have mail that wasn’t another bill or politician lobbying for my vote that I forgot how uncomfortable it is to show up alone. I will, of course, know people there, but those first few nail biting moments when you walk through the door searching for a friendly face is the worst. You’re hoping to find someone…ANYONE…to talk to– even that annoying guy who you’ve tried to avoid once (or twice) before.
If no friendly face is found, the phone becomes your only hope. I begin texting every single one of my contacts in hopes that someone will reply and I’ll at least get to have a conversation with someone. Albeit someone not in the same room, but I’ll take what I can get.
It’s not only weddings, though. That one may be the most obvious answer, but there’s others. Like that day I was craving Chimichangas and decided eating at the local Mexican Restaurant alone would be no big deal. It was rough. Even the waiter had this look of pity in his eyes. Next time, I’ll just take a sad Taco Bell drive thru substitute instead.
Moment #3: Holidays
I’m not just talking about the BIG ones– like at Christmas when you’re drinking Egg Nog and listening to your Grandma tell you for the hundredth time how you’re “going to find a good man one day”. Or when the balls drops on New Years and you’re left taking a very long sip of your champagne (or soda or whatever) until everyone comes up for air and a “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!” cheer.
No, I’m not talking about those holidays.
I’m talking about the long weekend holidays– like Memorial Day or Labor Day. The majority of your friends are planning BBQ’s or hikes at local State Parks and you’re just hoping one of them remembers to call and invite you over. Thankfully, I do have friends who remember me, but sometimes being squished between two car seats gets you thinking that maybe you need to try that online dating site one more time.
Moment #4: Going to bed
During the summer I get this awesome opportunity to be a Camp Counselor for a week. I get my little “flock” of girls that follow me every where I go. At bedtime, I turn out all the lights except for the Christmas lights I’ve strung around the ceiling. We share funny stories or things we’ve been struggling through. Sometimes they ask me to share stories. So far, their favorite stories are of my “worst dates”. These stories usually leave them in an uproar. Through chuckles they try to get out the words, “Did that really happen?!” And I have to tell them it did…and they laugh even harder.
Then, like a modern version of the The Waltons, each girl tells me “Goodnight!” and we drift off to sleep each one wearing a smile.
For the other 51 weeks out of my year, my bedtime routine is much less fun. It usually involves one last chap stick application, my bedside lamp turned off and the glow of my phone as I check social media sites one last time.
Sure, I get the whole bed to myself, but where’s the fun in that?
Moment #5: At church
Sunday mornings may be my biggest struggle in regards to my singleness.
Firstly, I still sit with my parents. While this is MY choice, everyone else is sitting with their families so it would seem like the right thing to do. I remember being in high school, all of us teenagers would sit together and make whispered remarks….until we got the look from our parents. Then, we’d shut up for fear that they’d make us sit with them as punishment. Apparently, being single at 30 means I willingly choose what was once considered punishment for lack of better options.
But it’s the cuteness of my parents that kills me. Every Sunday, without fail, my dad leans over to my mom and tells her she looks beautiful and then gives her a kiss. My parents have given me an amazing example of a godly marriage and I am very thankful for it. Honestly, they’re the best! So good in fact that I’d like a marriage like that of my own.
Then, there are the dear wonderful church ladies telling me I won’t be single forever. That I’ve still got time (like I’ve got a “freshest by” date stamped on me– Marry before 12/12/17) and all the other things people say to encourage the poor single people.
I promise, this isn’t turning into a blog about my singleness. It’s just what has been on my mind lately and I’d rather share honest feelings than something contrived. Thanks for sharing in the laughs with me! 🙂
The Common Queen 
Holly, as you know, I’m married. Happily so. I do, however, enjoy going to dinner or a movie on my own. I used to have the opportunity to do dinner solo when I was traveling for work all the time. Take my Kindle or a book, sit at the bar at Outback, kick back a beer or two and enjoy my meal. Or at a booth. Didn’t matter.
However, after even 30 weeks of travel that year, I knew that it was a temporary project. And each weekend was home with my daughters (who sounded a bit louder to me than I expected – despite my bride telling me that’s what a week of silent hotel rooms will do) and bride making the most of our weekends together.
At some point, we’ll be heading down to Watkins to hike the gorge, probably this summer. It might be during the week, but I’ll let you know when. Perhaps we can do lunch or something?
Enjoy your parent while you’ve got them. I wish I still had mine to sit with. I spent my 20’s-40’s in the choir though. You might try that. Choir I mean. If you don’t sing well just sing softly. When I was in my teens and now in my 50’s I sit by the piano. I played for church then and am playing for one I’m not a member of. Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition. I’m a rebel that way. I have learned to live live solo. I wish I could have people like you said but it gets easier as you go. I hope you find your one, I have yet to find mine. I go out to eat sometimes and I take my phone with me and read books off the phone while I eat. Anyway the reason I commented is I understand what you’re saying. Stope and give your parents a big hug from me and enjoy them.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m sorry that you no longer have your parents around. I don’t take mine for granted… or try not to. They’ve been an amazing support system for me. Couldn’t be where i am without them. May God give you even more grace for every moment. Blessings to you.
I came across your blog through the Single Matters site and am loving reading through lots of past blog posts of yours! I totally feel you on Moment #1. When I was bedridden with the flu, I was so incredibly thirsty, but my body was in so much pain that I couldn’t even get up to get some water. Couldn’t care less about food, I just wanted one…..glass…..of…..water. So I just laid there….and at one point, I cried, which was bad because by body was losing more water! How I wished there was someone around to help me out. Moment #2, I declined 3 out of 4 weddings in the past several months (was a bridesmaid in the one I did go to) and have 3 more coming up this year that I’ll be attending (bridesmaid in 2 of them). While I’m honored to be asked to participate in many a marital celebration, my dress collection accumulates each and every year and is now rivaling David’s Bridal! Okay, maybe not that bad, but I’ve got A LOT of gowns…and counting! I’ve ceased participating in the bouquet toss (I don’t even bother with excuses as to why I’m not out there on the floor to catch it :P) and have fun replying with different answers to the usual “Why are you not married yet?” or “You’re next!” or “Why don’t you try ____?” Moment #3 and #5, I have very little family so holidays are very quiet and I attend church by myself. Knowing how it stinks to be alone, I take it upon myself to seek out others, sit by them, and talk with them after service. I’ve been fortunate to minister to and pray with lots of different people because I take the time to sit and listen to their stories. No family to rush me out the door after church ends, no one to feed but myself, so I can let my stomach rumble a bit 😉 Or for my single gal pals with family far away, if they can’t drive/fly to be with their family during a holiday, I’ll hang with them. Moment #4, I agree..where *is* the fun in that??
I must say, though, that being a single 30-something has definitely made me more sensitive to the hurts of others who are alone (in any age/stage of life), so when I find myself on the verge of sulking (or catch myself deep, deep, DEEP in said sulking), I mentally slap myself 😛 and force my thoughts to do a 180 by praying for those I know who are also struggling as a single, or in a rough marriage and feeling alone.
I’m sorry for being slow to reply! Thank you for reading & commenting. When i was feeling especially pathetic in my sickness I called my mom to see if she’d bring me ginger ale. And i refuse to go to 85% of weddings…it doesn’t seem worth the mental struggle for me. Your dress closet reminds me of the movie 27 Dresses. 🙂 I agree with you on the empathy aspect. If i ever get married, ill be very careful how i interact and respond to the singles I know. 🙂
I had a hard moment yesterday after watching Labor Day with Kate Winslet & Josh Brolin. After a fit of crying at the end, I wondered if all the good men who in prison and can make an awesome peach cobbler from scratch (it’s a reference to the movie lol).
Haha!! I’ll have to see if that movie is on Netflix. 🙂
Thanks for putting this out there. I can blog about about a lot of raw stuff, but some reason this topic isn’t one of them. Thanks for being brave!
Thank YOU for reading. 🙂 I don’t feel courageous– I’m just determined to remain authentic. Plus, I figure I can’t be singular in my feelings so I might as well put it out there. 🙂
I see you.
I have read your entire blog over 2 days.
I love your heart.
Thanks for sharing, I am now a subscriber.
Wow, Melissa, you have blessed me very much. Thank you for taking the time to read all my posts (I’m sure that took more than just a few minutes!) and for being so kind with your words. I look forward to hearing from you again. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this, Ms. Holly. I’m a guy, but most of what you said I can totally relate to. I just got the “let’s just be friends” speech about a month ago. After 12 years in a relationship. I know it sounds terrible, but misery certainly does love company. It’s oddly comforting to know I’m not the only one thinking the same things as what you wrote.
Laughing and crying at same time ❤ ❤ so true… Much love and Hugs