It’s true. Mark the date and time because this type of admission is something to be noted!
Last I checked, I am a lot like you and the rest of humanity. I don’t like hearing I’m wrong or admitting it. I’d rather defer to how I was forced into the action because of someone else, thereby excusing my stupidity. Or how it wasn’t really wrong, but just a minor infraction. It’s “no big deal”.
All joking aside, I’m a perfectionist. If I commit to a task, a project, a friendship, a position– I’m doing it full force. Nothing is done half-assed. At an early age, I concluded that you needed to earn love and you earned it by doing things better than everyone else. I very quickly learned the things I excelled at and proceeded to highlight those things for everyone to see in the CHANCE that I might be found lovable. I wouldn’t attempt anything I couldn’t do well for fear that I’d look like an idiot. (Except for that one time I took Latin in high school to impress a guy. Ya. I was that girl.) This thinking is one of the reasons why I’ve shied away from starting and maintaining a blog– there’s this fear that if it isn’t perfect and others are doing it better than me then maybe I shouldn’t even attempt it.
One day away from completing an almost perfect week at camp, I did something dumb. I didn’t kill anyone or re-mix a Miley Cyrus song at muster, which in my estimation would have been inexcusable on all counts. In the grand scheme of things, I’m sure some people would shrug it all off and say “Huh? Whatever.” They’d move on without a second thought, but I spent the next 12 hours thinking about what I did. Part of me resigned to the fact that I’m some kind of screw-up and another part of me that just wanting to forget it ever happened.
Luckily for me, I’ve got friends who love me and because they love me they bring correction into my life.
Am I for real? Did I just admit that it was a good thing to get told I was WRONG. Well, this is 4-weeks fast forward from the event. Let’s go back to the day after my “slip-up”.
I walked into a staff meeting where a friend who witnessed everything the day before was waiting to talk with me. He quietly took me aside and let me know he had been praying about what happened and felt like he needed to tell me some things. He graciously explained his heart (more so God’s heart), and honestly pointed out an area in me that needed some work.
No one likes that. Get real for a second. We’ve already established that most people hate being told their wrong.
And I’ll be honest, I walked away from that conversation devastated. I’m sure it was partially due to the fact that at the time I had been sleeping on a mattress 3-inches thick for the past 5 nights. Or more likely because that correction drew out some insecurity in my heart. If I wasn’t perfect, then I wasn’t worthy of love.
As much as it hurt, I couldn’t shake the fact that I knew my friend cared about me. He wasn’t out to make me feel like crap, but he wanted to call me UP to a higher standard. I tucked away what he said and when I had the opportunity I spent some time discussing it with a trusted mentor in my life. And through that I learned even more Truth:
For one, just because you screw-up, doesn’t mean you ARE a screw-up.
We need people in our lives who love us enough to point out areas that need to be removed, purged, or sanded off. Letting your friend walk around with their zipper down may save you from an awkward conversation, but it leaves your friend exposed and open for future humiliation.
Just because you do something wrong, doesn’t mean you need to carry shame. You do something wrong, you ask for forgiveness, repent and move on. Live and learn, folks.
We’ve become spineless as a culture. We are busy proving how right we are and how wrong everyone else is. We are slow to seek for forgiveness, but prefer to state our “good intentions” thinking that will smooth things over. If we want to grow and mature in Christ, we’ve got to be discipled. And being discipled means being disciplined.
To clarify, this does not mean EVERYONE gets to speak into your life. BUT you should have people you trust that can (and DO) speak into your life when you need it. Allow people into your life who will sand off those rough edges. If not, you will very quickly become stagnant in your ways. I promise you, it may hurt at times, but its worth it.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. (Prov. 27:6)
8 thoughts on “I was wrong.”
“Just because you screw-up, doesn’t mean you ARE a screw-up.” Truth!
The Proverbs quote: Deep!
Thanks for sharing an example of this kind of humility. It’s a useful model for me to see.
Don’t get me wrong– it’s not easy to swallow being told you messed up, but its for our growth. I want to grow….I don’t want to stay the same. And to think I can just grow on my own is a selfish mindset. God put people in our lives for a reason and I’ll refuse to let them go to “waste” in my life. Thanks for continuing to read my stuff, Will.
Amen!! In my youth it was very difficult for me to admit being wrong. We call it the Garden of Eden syndrome, the blame game. Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the devil. As I get older it has been easier for me only because I guess I have matured some. Although I still have my times when I get it a huff but then look at it afterwards the Holy Spirit would show me how wrong I was. A good point you make for all of us…not all can speak this into lives. We ourselves need to be careful of what we speak into others lives…do we have the relationship to carry with our words into another’s life!
Great point, Yvonne. That was on my mind a lot– speaking into someone’s life takes prayer and wisdom. You don’t just go spouting off what YOU think is right, but prayerfully seek the Lord on the subject. I believe I have put those type of people around me– many people– who have the freedom to speak when they see something.
And even then, I go to God about it. “Is this your heart too, God?”
Thanks for reading, Yvonne. Love you!
I grew up this way. I didn’t hear anyone admit this, so I sure wasn’t going to. But it is freeing. It’s more than being vulnerable, it’s about being teachable. And that’s awesome. Just like you. Thanks for linking up today. It’s a weekly deal starting this week, so it will be slow going. Spread the word and let’s get more confessions. 🙂
An excellent post. Thanks so much for sharing that! It’s such a powerful truth that those who love us should be willing to correct us in love. Our society has become so easily offended that even to disagree with someone is looked down on. Because we are not encouraged to correct, it makes it even more difficult to receive correction. But a true friend does both. Thanks again for the post!
Interestingly enough, I was listening to a sermon today where the pastor shared the story of the adulterous woman that the men wanted to stone. The pastor mentioned in Jesus’ actions (and ultimately His words) He simultaneously raised the standard of Truth (go and sin no more) AND deepened His grace (neither do I condemn you). That’s powerful– to do BOTH at the same time, such a powerful testimony of true love at work. Thanks for reading! And following. 🙂